From one of the most celebrated filmmakers of current Hindi cinema comes an unlikely movie that fails to reflect any of the striking qualities that define Ashutosh Gowariker as a director. The innovativeness of Lagaan, the relevance of Swades, and the epic-quality of Jodhaa Akbar were defining in each case. There was a director’s stamp – of creativity, of authority. Unfortunately with What’s Your Raashee? the only factor common with its predecessors is its length. At 211 minutes, it’s a tedious, unnecessarily long journey that is much like a complete season of a low budget TV season condensed into a film.

There is no justification for WYR’s length. A better written screenplay needed no more than 120 minutes to wrap up what could’ve been a lighter, funnier, slicker production. Hasn’t Gowariker ever heard of speed dating? If partners can be chosen in real life in under a minute, then surely a film such as this can afford to be a little less heavy handed in its approach. The validity of having 13 songs is highly questionable. It lends nothing extra to the film and by the 7th or 8th girl the audience is counting and groaning – how many girls/songs to go? The screenplay, instead of inventing creative and comic situations, only gears towards creating (un)justifiable song sequences. And WYR is not an intended musical. It could’ve been – say in the tradition of Hollywood musicals – but it’s not.

The girls themselves are nothing extraordinary and their characters are rooted in clichés. The ones that evince some interest are the kooky ones – like the one who wants a pre-nup and is only interested in having a marriage of convenience to evade the law; or the one who is convinced that she is meeting her husband from her previous life. But the rest you’re almost expecting to see - cliché Gujju girl, BTM, cool college kid, etc. Couldn’t these have been skimmed over?

The lesser said about the sub-plots, the better. These can be described as amateurish at best. Gowariker has a long way to go till his sense of comedy is on par with his keen sense of drama.

As the film continues to unravel like an endless PowerPoint presentation on a Friday evening, you begin to appreciate the effort put in defining each of Priyanka’s characters shows – the make-up, clothes, mannerisms, etc. And yet in all this everyone seems to have forgotten the lead actor – Harman Baweja – and he ends up with the most inconsistently written role. Is he a nice guy? (he’s doing this for his family’s money issues, he’s ok to wed a non-virgin with a tragic story and not an underage girl who is still in school) or is he a bit of a rogue? (Won’t sacrifice anything for his career even if he likes a perfectly sweet doctor who is committed to helping the poor – at the very least he should’ve been the one explaining this to her and not vice-versa; refuses to have a bite of gola being proffered by the intense cross of a girl between Mallika Sherawat and Mallika Sarabhai). Anyway, he’s managed to raise his performance from his previous two films by underplaying – but is bogged down by repetition, lack of range, and shoddy characterization. Priyanka Chopra on the other hand has delivered as an actor – she’s pulled through most of her characters effortlessly, but there is a reason why other people haven’t attempted to do 12 or more roles in a single film. It just can’t sustain.

The biggest copout in the film is its extremely contrived climax. It’s so bad, it’s unreal. Even the choice of the final girl is arbitrary and based on elimination rather than true love or approval. How did Gowariker let this slip through? You can’t be expected to sit through over two hundred minutes of build up for this!

Technically, the film is well below average. Camerawork is tacky and television-like, why didn’t Kiran Deohans shoot this film? The background score is full of silly sound effects, production design is standard, and simply not on par with some of the newer look films we are not used to watching. Of the songs – well with 13 to choose from – yes, 2-3 actually work; especially the final one with all the Priyanka’s coming together – this is well shot and choreographed. Of the support cast – Darshan Jariwala hams his way through, Anjan Srivastav just seems clueless when he’s not speaking, but Dilip Joshi towers above the rest. What an underrated actor he is. At the end of it, this film is nothing more than a showreel for Priyanka Chopra’s acting abilities. She’ll never need to do another look test with all this material. If you’re a fan of PC, only then is this film for you.

****SPOILER ALERT – Do NOT read ahead if you haven’t watched the film and intend to at some point****

It’s loophole exposing time. Here is complete proof that Gowariker seems to have rushed though the climax without giving it a second thought:

Why did Yogesh choose to marry S? The only problem he had with H was that she used to love another man. Despite that, she was willing to give everything to this new relationship. And they shared an intensity that was unmatched by other girls in the fray. She also deserved him/a better life.

S by contrast was in love with another man. And decided to marry Yogesh on the rebound!

And why was Vishakha, the super rich, mad-acting kid not in the picture? Her father made it amply clear that the moment he said ‘No’ – they would insist on the wedding saying that Vishakha was playacting all along. Well, a no was clearly delivered, but there wasn’t a peep out of the mega cotton king. And if dowry was on the uncle’s mind all along, how come he ended up setting up meetings with all those not-so-rich girls, especially the last 15-yr old?

And the money? If Nanaji happily got the money and forgave his son-in-law’s transgressions and his only complain was that the problems should’ve been shared, why go ahead with the pressure wedding at all? Just chukao the money and take your time now, right Yogesh? Wouldn’t that be the sensible thing to do? Wouldn’t not getting married at all, be the logical end rather than marrying one based on random reasons?

Logic, anyone?